This is legitimately the funniest thing that has ever happened on MBMBAM
[Transcript:
Brothers: Brooks. Brooks: So, uh, my question is: my boyfriend keeps on going into the pantry and grabbing handfuls of fettuccine– [audience laughs] uncooked– Griffin: I would hope he’s not grabbing handfuls of cooked fettuccine, Brooks. Travis: In your pantry! Brooks: –and eating them raw. And he keeps calling them chips? Justin: Okay. [audience laughs] Brooks: How do I make him stop? Travis: Is your boyfriend here? Brooks: Yeah. Travis: You’re a monster. [audience laughs] Words mean things! Griffin: Does anybody remember– [clears throat] I haven’t been to Olive Garden in many moons, but they do have, like, a little, like, fettuccine bottle that you can just grab them out and chew– hold on, was this a prank you guys pulled on me when we went to Olive Garden as kids!? [audience laughs, Justin quietly snickers] No, stop! Everybody shut up! Do they give you fettu– raw fettuccine to chew on in the lobby of the Olive Garden? [Audience, shouting: No!] Griffin: You [stutters] fuckin’ bastards! Travis, shouting: YEAHHHHHHHH! [audience cheering] Justin: The prestige! [Travis laughs] Travis: Now you have IBS! We got him! Griffin: [crosstalk] I didn– What I need you– Brooks, we’ll get back to you– what I need you two to understand is that was not the only time I went to Olive Garden. There were– [breaks in embarrassment] Travis: Were there never employees around!? Like– [Justin laughs loudly] Griffin: I– I, wanting to seem like an authentic metropolitan diner, would always grab the fettuccine and walk over to my friends, like, “mm, yeah, I’m a little– little peckish.” [Justin and Travis laugh] Justin: Griffin, as a– Griffin: I fucking can’t believe– I can’t believe you did that and I can’t believe literally I’m finding out in the worst imaginable venue. Justin: Speaking as a former Olive Garden employee, there is– if I saw a little kid eating fettu– raw fettuccine? The odds of me stopping them are negative 1000 percent. Griffin: Okay, Brooks. Justin: Brooks! Griffin: Yeah, so I’m gonna sit this one out, Brooks. Travis: Wait– Justin: Brooks, is it possible that your boyfriend has been laboring under the same delusion as my brother for all these years? [crosstalk, unintelligible] Oh, they sell this for you to take home? Okay, well, fancy for myself then. Travis: Brooks, is it possible your boyfriend does not believe these are chips, but instead likes to annoyyou by calling them chips, a thing I– not exactly that, but similar– do to my wife all the time. [audience laughs] Griffin: Is it possible, boyfriend, loves chips. And you never have chips, and this is his way of passive aggressively [audience laughs] sort of guilting you into go– “MM, these are tasty chips!” And as a raw fettuccine eater myself, I can tell you it’s not a– it’s not a good chew. You do it– you put it in your mouth, and your six-year-old brain thinks “it’ll turn to fettuccine in the heat of your mouth.” It doesn’t work like that! It doesn’t work like that! Just doesn’t work like that. Justin, softly: Brooks?]
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