This is legitimately the funniest thing that has ever happened on MBMBAM
#griffin having two scorpio older brothers is the greatest gift of all
Author: katanaclone
This is legitimately the funniest thing that has ever happened on MBMBAM
[Transcript:
Brothers: Brooks.
Brooks: So, uh, my question is: my boyfriend keeps on going into the pantry and grabbing handfuls of fettuccine– [audience laughs] uncooked–
Griffin: I would hope he’s not grabbing handfuls of cooked fettuccine, Brooks.
Travis: In your pantry!
Brooks: –and eating them raw. And he keeps calling them chips?
Justin: Okay.
[audience laughs]
Brooks: How do I make him stop?
Travis: Is your boyfriend here?
Brooks: Yeah.
Travis: You’re a monster. [audience laughs] Words mean things!
Griffin: Does anybody remember– [clears throat] I haven’t been to Olive Garden in many moons, but they do have, like, a little, like, fettuccine bottle that you can just grab them out and chew– hold on, was this a prank you guys pulled on me when we went to Olive Garden as kids!? [audience laughs, Justin quietly snickers] No, stop! Everybody shut up! Do they give you fettu– raw fettuccine to chew on in the lobby of the Olive Garden?
[Audience, shouting: No!]
Griffin: You [stutters] fuckin’ bastards!
Travis, shouting: YEAHHHHHHHH! [audience cheering]
Justin: The prestige! [Travis laughs]
Travis: Now you have IBS! We got him!
Griffin: [crosstalk] I didn– What I need you– Brooks, we’ll get back to you– what I need you two to understand is that was not the only time I went to Olive Garden. There were– [breaks in embarrassment]
Travis: Were there never employees around!? Like– [Justin laughs loudly]
Griffin: I– I, wanting to seem like an authentic metropolitan diner, would always grab the fettuccine and walk over to my friends, like, “mm, yeah, I’m a little– little peckish.” [Justin and Travis laugh]
Justin: Griffin, as a–
Griffin: I fucking can’t believe– I can’t believe you did that and I can’t believe literally I’m finding out in the worst imaginable venue.
Justin: Speaking as a former Olive Garden employee, there is– if I saw a little kid eating fettu– raw fettuccine? The odds of me stopping them are negative 1000 percent.
Griffin: Okay, Brooks.
Justin: Brooks!
Griffin: Yeah, so I’m gonna sit this one out, Brooks.
Travis: Wait–
Justin: Brooks, is it possible that your boyfriend has been laboring under the same delusion as my brother for all these years? [crosstalk, unintelligible] Oh, they sell this for you to take home? Okay, well, fancy for myself then.
Travis: Brooks, is it possible your boyfriend does not believe these are chips, but instead likes to annoy you by calling them chips, a thing I– not exactly that, but similar– do to my wife all the time. [audience laughs]
Griffin: Is it possible, boyfriend, loves chips. And you never have chips, and this is his way of passive aggressively [audience laughs] sort of guilting you into go– “MM, these are tasty chips!” And as a raw fettuccine eater myself, I can tell you it’s not a– it’s not a good chew. You do it– you put it in your mouth, and your six-year-old brain thinks “it’ll turn to fettuccine in the heat of your mouth.” It doesn’t work like that! It doesn’t work like that! Just doesn’t work like that.
Justin, softly: Brooks?]
This blog is pro tits and anti Nazi
a really good genre of tumblr post is the ones that claim “THIS 15-YEAR-OLD HAS DISCOVERED A CURE FOR CANCER” with no source link, and the first comment is “HIS NAME IS _______” and the second comment is “figures that so few results come up on google, no one is talking about this. spread the word!”
and then you google it and the only results are websites called like ‘youshare.buzz’ and ‘trendcatch.ly’ linking back to the original post, and the picture attached to the original post is from an unrelated huffpo article from 2011, and you google the name given and it’s a famous haitian accordionist
yeah. and of course, there’s nothing wrong with doxxing the 15-year-old, and there’s not any kind of media policy of avoiding naming minors because it could endanger them, it’s definitely all 100% about bad people trying to keep us from knowing the names of people who did cool stuff.
this tumblr ban is gonna get warriormale deleted and for that we must Kill
Is this what warriormale had us training and fighting for?
yes.
Will we be ready? To fight without our mentor?
why was taz balance so good. it didnt have to be it was literally a comedy dnd podcast between 3 brothers and their dad. the trios nickname was the boner squad. why did i cry three times during the finale that griffin specifically chose to be episode 69. one of them took their date out to a pottery and wine combo establishment called “the chug and squeeze” which, after later episodes, was scenes that contained shit thatd were so plot-twisty i stared at my wall for a good minute thinking about it. a character that was named garfield and was never given a physical description – which resulted in everyone just picturing the cat – had a clone of one of them stored away in the back room for reasons that were never given. griffin ended this series purposely on episode 69
No porn on tumblr we describe our nudes in detail instead
today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
i genuinely believe that 2012 was the optimal tumblr experience. like if you didnt live through 2012, you havent fully understood how much of a hell site this is. to jog some ppl’s memories:
- francieum
- quirkybrittany
- justgirlythings
- “I like your shoelaces” “I stole them from the president” and people actually fucking doing this in public
- we still called porn fics “smut” and “lemons”
- “you must be fun at parties”
- cole sprouse’s tumblr social experiment, and some people taking it so seriously that they threatened mass suicide
- mitt romney
- hetastuck (hetalia and homestuck fandoms were moirails i guess)
- hussieruya (people unironically shipping the creators of hetalia and homestuck)
- andrew hussie actually asking about hussieruya in his twitter
- the obsession with andrew hussie’s lips
- superwholock fandom (this was their prime)
- supernatural has a gif for everything
- “Fuck you watson” somehow being praised as the best comeback possible?? ok lol
- hipster side of tumblr vs fandom side of tumblr, and all those pictures of the two coexisting to bring some sort of peace? as if we were at war with each other?? wtf was up with that
- the dumbest fake stories holy shit, and everyone believed them
- benedict cumberbatch everywhere
- that sherlock gif of benedict cumberbatch looking into a door’s peep hole and people saying how if you cover one side of his face he looks confident but if you cover the other side he looks sad, so they said he’s the best actor in the world or whatever
- gangnam style everywhere
- people being shamed from using memes or even saying the word meme
- “Oh, you facebook people think tumblr is boring? Well, we’ll find you…Supernatural fandom, grab your demons! Sherlock fandom, grab your Watsons! Doctor Who fandom, grab your Tardises! Harry Potter fandom, grab your wands! Homestuck fandom, grab your strife cards! Hetalia fandom, grab your pasta!” proceed for 1628519 more fandoms
- “im pretty sure thats taylor swift” “no thats becky”
- the dancing chandler gif from friends
- “Reblog if you dont have a problem with gay marriage!” followed by ten mile long additions of rainbow gifs and pictures and 9gag memes
- potato jesus (i’ll admit, this was actually funny)
- the reblog button being at the top of posts
- cuil theory, aka “i give you a hamburger”
- 27 comments on a post just saying “INSTANT REBLOG” or “PRESS PLAY”
- song mixups from people “accidentally opening a bunch of tabs playing music” but it was actually from a pop mix album
- “ah, the scalene triangle”
- XD vs 😀 discourse
- the most reblogged picture on tumblr
- doge
- men of tumblr
- the cursed long ass “fedoras arent that bad!” post
- touch my butt and buy me pizza
- spread this like wildfire
- tumblr university (complete with uniforms)
- tumblr island
- tumblr nation
- these all would lead to the creation and failure of dashcon
- tumblr prom
Dont forget “the first rule of tumblr”
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