gendernihilistanarchocommunist:
i’m realizing that a lot of the time what i identify as anger in myself is a buildup of a lot of other emotions that i’ve been suppressing or ignoring. i don’t pay attention to myself, and i wait until all of what i’ve been feeling has nowhere else to go and it just explodes out of me. and then i wonder why i carry so much tension in my neck and shoulders.
like it’s much easier to process an outburst as “i’m irrationally angry about something” than “i’m hurt/scared/traumatized/etc and it’s being expressed in the only emotional language i’m comfortable with”
the former encourages you to continue relying on repression and the latter implies a whole host of questions that you don’t have answers to.
it’s doubly harmful because that anger always turns inward on itself—it’s not even like i go throw things or shout at people, i just destroy myself in various ways. i’m always at odds with my own needs, either suppressing or contradicting, rarely even conscious that i’m doing either, trying to shape myself according to one arbitrary standard or another. i need to be less of a reaction on myself and more of a simple act i think.
#less hegel more spinoza that’s my motto
extremely good tag OP
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